Rocket science
by scarlet-egg
Summary: It's really not, though.


He was hardly a stranger to pressure.

"Hey, Artemis?"

He had been conquering high-stakes, high-tension situations since before he'd learned how to walk, and he was more than confident in his ability to now solve any riddle placed before him - mundane or supernatural, legal or... _shady_ , simple or needlessly convoluted? It didn't matter, because all would fall to the great Fowl in the end.

"Arttttttemis?"

So who could have thought _this_ would be the dilemma that would finally defeat him?

"Artemi _sssssss_ ~"

" _Holly_." The teen twisted, fixing the fairy with a serious, intimidating frown which she didn't seem to notice - perched on the kitchen counter, legs dangling and palms flat against the surface, she only cocked her head slightly as she observed him. "This is a _very_ delicate situation."

"Of course!" she agreed, terribly innocent as she held her hands up in silent surrender. "It's only - your _pan_ is bubbling over again, you know."

It would just be nice if this problem was _already_ solved.

Artemis hissed under his breath - he wasn't crass enough to let loose a volley of creative and vicious curses, but he kind of wished he was in that moment. He spun back around, snatching the pan from the burner and flinging it into the sink with all the grace of a sleep-addled elephant, and watched as the milk continued bubbling over the edge. Then he could only frown as he forgot how to leap out of harm's way, and it splattered over his left shoe, too.

Holly didn't say a word.

His hand ached slightly from the over-heated handle, and Artemis frowned harder. Holly still didn't say a word.

A lesser man would have been dissuaded by yet another... _hiccup_ , but he was not. After all, with such a badly written set of instructions, it was only _natural_ that anyone trying to follow them would find themselves struck at by so many unforeseen variables.

"Whoops," Holly remarked, and smiled.

Artemis didn't know what was quite so _amusing_ , and frowned harder at the wall. He was very quiet, and for a very long time.

The easiest solution would be to ask _Butler_ , of course, but he stubbornly refused to entertain the idea. He had already figured out how much _'a mug'_ of milk really was, _and_ how heaped _'a heaped tablespoon'_ was meant to be. When you got down to it, he had even _almost_ figured out what constituted as _'a low heat'_.

He had vowed to make a mug of cocoa, and this was _not_ a statement he was about to recant on.

For her part, Holly just waited, thoroughly amused. It wasn't often she got to watch _a bona fide genius_ muddle through something so complicated as this when he wasn't trying to save the world - just his own pride - and she wasn't about to feel guilty for how hilarious it was. Not that she was enjoying his _failure_ , mind you, she was hardly a _monster_ , but-

"Right." Artemis turned back to face her, calm and relaxed - he even had the glint in his eye that promised inevitable victory. It was nice to see his confidence had returned. " _Lower_ heat."

"Sounds reasonable," agreed the fairy.

He didn't deign that with a response, and only paused to twist the knob on his way to the counter. He bent down beside her, retrieved the last clean saucepan, and strode back without making eye contact.

He measured the milk, very carefully, and didn't spill a drop as he poured it in. He hesitated, adjusted the position of the cocoa tin on the sink, and lifted a clean spoon - and just as he placed the pan on the _very_ low heat, he shot a look towards the other side of the room. Holly held her hands up again in what had to be the most sarcastic gesture of the evening, and nodded. 

"I know," she assured him. "Your IQ is higher than _I_ am. I won't say a word. My lips are _sealed_." 

Despite her choice of words, she didn't sound very _offended_. 

"I wouldn't say that," Artemis protested quickly, and that was the truth - he only _just_ managed to contain his wince over the outright _butchery_ of the English language that particular sequence of words had displayed. _He_ would have phrased it much more pleasantly. 

"Of course not," Holly agreed, and smiled again. He stared at her, warily, as her brow raised slowly. "Hey, mudboy?" 

He sighed under his breath. 

"Yes, Holly?" 

"The pan's boiling over again, you know."


End file.
